12. You're going to have to decide which dreams you let die

Mark Mansons Video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ahTP_Zn7nU

I watched a video last week, and one line has been sitting with me ever since. It wasn't a video I specifically sought out, it just appeared in my suggested feed. After having read and enjoyed Mark Manson's book, I figured he was likeable enough to spend another fifteen minutes with. While I can't recall every point he made, one line has been playing over and over in my head: "You're going to have to decide which dreams you let die."

The Cost of Being a Dreamer

That line hit me like a brick. I am, by nature, a dreamer. But hearing that phrase really forced me to question and confront which ambitions will have to be shelved. As a dreamer, I’ve entertained the thought of doing it all, and then some. I've pictured myself as an Engineer, then pivoting to study and practice as a Physiotherapist, all while running multiple small businesses in health, wellness, or finance, on top of an NGO.

I operated on the naive assumption that because I completed one triathlon, I would automatically do more. That because I’ve been an Engineer for seven years, I would naturally start my own construction company. That one hike in Nepal meant I was destined to conquer them all. And somehow, I thought I could squeeze all of this in while becoming the ultimate family man.

Looking back, was it naive, or just being a dreamer? If I had truly paused to think hard about it, I probably would have realised I couldn't do all of those things. But for some reason, hearing Mark Manson say it out loud hit me like a sledgehammer. I guess I really can't squeeze it all in.

Confronting Limits

This realisation hasn't exactly made me sad, but it has certainly killed a small bit of ambition inside of me. It’s the first time in a long time I’ve felt this way, the cold reality of knowing, and truly accepting, that I can’t do it all. It carries the same sting I felt the first time I didn’t make a representative cricket side in my younger years.

As a dreamer, I’ve always been a fighter, not physically, but mentally. If someone told me I couldn't do something, I'd go above and beyond to prove them wrong. This, however, feels different. This is a battle I have to face head on. Fighting this feels like a bit like a losing battle. By resisting it, I risk doing nothing successfully and being mediocre at a whole host of things.

Ultimately, this video has forced me to confront what is genuinely important and what is worth focusing on. My focus has distilled down to four key priorities:

1. Health

I am making this the foundational priority, with foundational health. Not how much I can bench press, or how fast I can complete a triathlon, but good foundational health. Eating clean, and being able to move freely and pain free. What good is all the money and freedom in the world without the health to enjoy it?

2. Trading

If done correctly, this provides me and my family with the chance for true freedom. It's scalable, it's remote, and it allows me to dictate my location more than any traditional job could ever do, especially as kids become part of the picture. Most importantly, it doesn't feel like work. It feels like play. And if you can find work that feels like play, are you ever working at all?

3. Engineering, for Good

Do I still enjoy Engineering? Yes, absolutely. It's rewarding to figure out how to build things and build them profitably. But my biggest sense of fulfillment came from working on remote islands throughout the Pacific. That experience truly lit a fire in me, making me feel alive in a way no major tunnel, railway, or bridge ever has. Seeing people smile and appreciate the fundamentals such as clean water, or protecting homes from flooding, that is the feeling I need to keep chasing.

4. Finding Time for Faith

I grew up in a Buddhist household but spent my teen years vehemently arguing against religion, convinced I was incredibly clever because I understood basic science. I wasted hours researching debates and ridiculing believers. As I've gotten older, I’ve realised the benefits of finding a spiritual anchor. Whether there is something 'out there' or not, these faiths offer a blueprint for living a fulfilling life as a good community member, handed down by generation after generation. It is also nice to believe in something bigger than yourself. Therefore, I’m going to dedicate some time to studying and living by the core lessons taught by the Buddha.

For now, all the dreams of opening cafés, bars, or becoming a full-time physiotherapist have been archived. I can’t do it all. But the fighter in the back of my mind tells me that if I can get these four core areas right, that is a damn good life, and it might just open the door for that Physio or wellness interest to return in the future.